random sheets

I've just finished writing my undergraduate thesis and am currently prepared for the upcoming exam.  I've spent my last two months doing this shit. I know the struggle is real. So I highly appreciate everyone who also keeps working on this shit.  Speaking about this undergraduate shit, I do realize that I'll graduate soon. I'll wrap up this campus life, officially within months. And yet, I haven't figured out about things I'll do for the next chapter of my life, and, now I just want to build such an inner peace for those regret in the past 4 years as a college student.  Although pandemic has come since last year, I'd still think that my campus life isn't interesting at all. I'm pretty unknown, I'd say. I'm only known by my classmates. I didn't have many friends. Not because I was a shy girl, I was just quite hectic with my personal life. I worked part-time as a tutor on weekdays, and I still had to earn money on weekends. I never particip...

Guess what? An unpredictable man with many unexpected things has come into my life. And of course, I’m going to talk about him. Yes, him, the unpredictable man. The one who gives a significant impact on my life. The one who cured my insomnia and anxiety~ We both met without looking for each other intentionally. It’s not like we matched on dating apps or something. We were just randomly connected by our common needs through serendipity. Well, I met him for the first time on my darkest night last year. Amazingly, he  enlightened my day even when we were strangers and a hundred miles apart. No wonder he got my heart since the first time. He is a bilingual, philomath, and such an avid learner indeed. For me, his brain is his #1 charming point. He looks younger than his actual age. He looks cute and cool at the same time. He keeps his body in shape by doing exercise every day.  "I work out to attract you,"  he said. He’s playful and humorous. He looks funny especially when he ...

Quitting social media isn't even on my new year's resolution list. This whole pandemic got me thinking like social media is the only way that I can use to stay connected with people out there since we've been fucking isolated for almost a year. But then, instead of getting help to stay connected with people, I got attached to social media itself . That's why I've deleted my Instagram and Twitter accounts. I didn't tell anyone the honest reason, and it was just like being offline for weeks. I told my friends that I got distracted, so I tried to restrict my phone usage by taking a break from social media.  Well, honestly I don't really fucking care about the phone usage. Because I know how to manage it. Step away from my phone isn't a big deal, and I don't have to quit social media because I'm not addicted to it. But the thing is... social media has affected me, badly . I've realized it since a few years ago. So I had restricted myself from I...

This year is quite chaotic but in a sweet way. In January, I ran away from home. I fought with my family, got lost for a week. I’ve had returned home but nothing has changed. I had suicidal thought, cried in the train, had insomnia, fucked with someone’s boyfriend, being called a whore (yes bitch I deserved it), I didn’t feel anything and just tried to live until February. That’s what I thought. In February, my family was so much better. I quit smoking, didn’t dye my hair, I had enough sleep, met new friends, but still in love with someone’s boyfriend. Well, that’s shit. I got the train at 6 am everyday, had classic talks with some random passengers, arrived at school at 7 am. I studied until 4 or something, and got home at late night. On the way home, I used to cry a lot in the train. I cried for no reason. Like I couldn’t pinpoint where’s hurt, but it felt so damn hurt. I was pretty sad and lonely for 29 days straight. In March, I had practical project and shit. It was fun but ...

Kemarin aku bersuara mengenai plagiarisme yang menuai pro dan kontra, hingga membuat gaduh satu angkatan. Kali ini, aku kembali bersuara mengenai hal yang dianggap tabu dan bisa saja dinilai "lebay" oleh sebagian mahasiswa di kampus.  Ya, aku berbicara tentang pelecehan seksual.  Apa itu pelecehan seksual? Dilansir melalui Wolipop, Komisioner Subkom Pemantauan Komnas Perempuan, Siti Aminah Tardi menjelaskan bahwa pelecehan seksual adalah perbuatan yang dilakukan dalam bentuk fisik atau nonfisik yang tidak dikehendaki dengan cara mengambil gambar, mengintip, memberikan isyarat bermuatan seksual, meminta seseorang melakukan perbuatan yang demikian pada dirinya, memperlihatkan organ seksual baik secara langsung atau menggunakan teknologi, melakukan transmisi yang bermuatan seksual dan melakukan sentuhan fisik.  Masih banyak definisi lain yang bisa kita semua cari tau bersama. Namun, untuk menyelaraskan pemahaman kita mengenai pelecehan seksual yang akan aku angkat dalam tuli...

  I lost a friend. He committed suicide after had been fighting against  society  depression and anxiety for several years. He's a nice guy, a warm-soft-hearted, and a caring person. But the world is just being too harsh for him. Last year, he came out. He told me that he is gay. "Is being a faggot, weird?" he asked. "No, because I normalize it," I answered. He continued telling me the detail about his sexual orientation. He was talking and crying at the same time, I could feel his pain. Being different and unaccepted by society sucks.  "I've got so much hate because I'm different. They don't even want to know my reason. O h, see he is a boy with the vagina, he ain't masculine, he is bad at sports. Look! He cried. Bruh, boys don't cry. "  Those words turned him into anxiety. His family doesn't give him a safe place called home. They make it worse.  One day, he tried to speak up. But people judged him even more.  It's easy fo...