For you.

I am writing here as I am unable to express myself spoken to you. I hope you are not bothered to read my sincere letter for you. 


First, I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me for the past year. Your voice, your touch, your words, and your actions are the warmest thing I have ever experienced in my life. 

Staying in silence with you made me realize how impactful your presence to me, and how meaningful you are for me. It is something that I haven't been aware of for the past few months. I would really understand if you feel I am taking you for granted. 

I never knew that I would be this dependent on you, I feel like everything stops running every time I let you down by my own behavior towards you. 

You are right that sometimes I am being too much. I don't stop when you said enough. This comes to a pattern and surely exhausts you the most. 

I want us to have a cup of coffee and listen to each others' whispers. I want you to know that I am trying to fix myself because I don't wanna lose you. 

I will not promise you that I will never hurt you or something, but I am sure that this is the last time I am disappointing you. If one day, I repeat the same shit, I will leave you alone as I know that you would be so much happier without my existence in your life. 

I will not force you to open up again immediately, I do realize that healing takes time. But I am sorry that I can't go anywhere at the moment because I feel dilemma and scared at the same time. I am worried that leaving you off to another place in this situation will just hang our relationship in uncertainty. 

I will not apologize, as it will be useless if I don't fix myself. 
But I will prove to you that I am willing to bear and understand you better. 
You are the whole world to me. You are the main reason for the path that I have been taken since last year. 

I do really feel guilty for not treating you better, for not giving you the joy and happiness that you deserve. 

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