Untitled, 2021

I've just finished writing my undergraduate thesis and am currently prepared for the upcoming exam. 

I've spent my last two months doing this shit. I know the struggle is real. So I highly appreciate everyone who also keeps working on this shit. 

Speaking about this undergraduate shit, I do realize that I'll graduate soon. I'll wrap up this campus life, officially within months. And yet, I haven't figured out about things I'll do for the next chapter of my life, and, now I just want to build such an inner peace for those regret in the past 4 years as a college student. 

Although pandemic has come since last year, I'd still think that my campus life isn't interesting at all. I'm pretty unknown, I'd say. I'm only known by my classmates. I didn't have many friends. Not because I was a shy girl, I was just quite hectic with my personal life. I worked part-time as a tutor on weekdays, and I still had to earn money on weekends. I never participated in any campus activity. BEM, Hima, or anything, I've ever joined a campus club but it didn't work well on me so I escaped many times. When I had free time, I didn't hang out with my friends. I just slept and watched dramas instead. Yes, my campus life was kinda damn tough. When I was in sophomore, I got sick. I set my work time limit, completely free on weekends but I still couldn't participate in any campus activity. 

Now, when my campus life has come to an end, my heart starts to feel an ache. 

I realize I don't have that many memories. I didn't even have a proper picture with my classmates. I completely regret that I didn't join them when they had the photoshoot together. Simply because I thought "isn't it too early? we're gonna see each other every day for 4 years straight." I also regret I didn't join the sleepover party with them, simply because I didn't have money at that time. 

I regret I didn't participate in the college's embassy, simply because I was too afraid nobody comes to cheer me up on the stage. My friends were eager to write my name on the candidate's form. I feel bad now. I regret it. I don't have any cool memories as a college student. 

To sum it up, I regret those things I didn't do. I can't mention it one by one but yeah, I'm in regret now. 

But I don't regret things I've done. Never... 

Lesson learned. I hope I can forgive myself now and just let things pass by. 

There are still a lot more things I'm grateful for, as a college student.

I'm grateful for having those two dorks as my best friends. Without them, my campus life could have been so plain af. Okay, I'll introduce them to you on the next sheet~