just break up!

Well, hi people! How do you feel lately? Is everything alright?!

Anyway, I'm quite bored right now because my assignment has already done and I got nothing to do recently so I decided to post something on my random sheet 👀

disclaimer: it's gonna be the worst post I've ever created.


Okay, let's talk!

stephencheetham_illustration


In May 2019 I broke up with my ex. We had been together for three fucking years and we chose to walk separately till right now. I used to cry a lot. I don't even remember how many times I begged him to stay, one thing for sure I did some stupid things just to get him back. And it didn't work. 

Our relationship was just great. The best thing that had happened is we used to love each other, and the worst one was we forget to love ourselves more. Yes. We both were kinda in a high level of bucin partner-oriented, we used to depend on each other, and we sometimes pushed ourselves to always be available for one another. After three years, we realized that we were fighting with ourselves in this toxic relationship. 


We both made mistakes. I was really young back then, I was too naive and didn't understand how the world works. Furthermore, I was having a battle with mental illness which made everything worse, and I used to make it a justification for my bad behavior. That was stupid. Yes, I used to be a dick. And still a little a bit like that. 


So, what's the point of writing this? Do I miss my ex? Of course yes I do miss him badly I wish I could hug him right now and say how much I loved him NO. It ain't because I miss him. It's because I got nothing to do and his name just randomly across my head and it made me miss our moments and I'm just trying to share about our past so people could learn something from it. 


Anyway, I can't describe in detail about how was our relationship but.. ya if you (or your partner) have these following symptoms:

can't enjoy yourself, lose your friends, taking control/being controlled, bother/being bothered till you/them can't even complete the assignment, (demand or is demanded) to be #1 priority, make mental illness as justification, can't go alone nor have personal space through me-time, etc.

Okay, l if any of you who is currently having those symptoms, you're in a toxic relationship!

A toxic relationship isn't always about drama and takes for granted-- problem-related. Every little thing that connects and ruins a definition of self-love is also a part of the toxic relationship.

So, if any of you have been feeling it. Whether being the toxic-giver or toxic-receiver, please take your time to reflect and fix the way you treat and love each other asap!

 

Also, if you're exhausted and wanna break up but being afraid of facing reality.. I suggest you to just break up and bite your bullet because things won't be as hard as what you think it'd be. 

I used to think that I can't walk alone. I can't imagine how am I supposed to live without him.

I used to be afraid of not being happy anymore. And you know what? that's all just in my head! It doesn't happen at all! It takes time, but the fact is I'm just feeling lonely sometimes I'm still happy without him by my side. 


So, please honey. Don't let yourself being mentally abused, and don't abuse your partner mentally as well. Love each other in a positive way. And if you can't do that, then don't even dare to get involved in any romantic relationship. Okay, it might sounds cliche, please love yourself!

Anyway, it's 1:23 AM. It's time to overthink sleep! Alright, I'm gonna sleep like an unbothered queen. 

Good night, guys. Sleep tight. Wish you'd be happier tomorrow xx

See you on my next random sheet! 💙

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